By, Wendy Gillett of Caliluna Consulting
Originally published at restaurantowner.com

What do you do with a guest who screams for no reason, throws food all over, spills his drink and cries through the entire meal? Ask him to leave, right? Well, when the guest is less than two feet tall and arrives in a stroller, you might not have that option.

There are as many ways to attract kids to your restaurant as there are colors of crayons. Sometimes the trick for owners and managers of family and upscale concepts, alike, is not so much how to bring kids into the restaurant, but how to handle them once they’ve passed through the doors — without alienating either doting parents or patrons who seek a peaceful meal.

The Petition for Child-Free Sections

Fortunately, you can usually count on the parents to offer whatever entertainment and discipline the child needs to get through the meal without a major incident. And if you are not in the business of catering to children, counting on the parents to take care of the situation might be the best solution for you. As long as the child is not bothering anyone else, the evening is a success. Many times, though, problems occur and the parents tend to ignore the situation. What do you do with these rowdy children and their laissez-faire parents? When kids play around and are in a possibly dangerous situation, you need to assert your power and put a stop to it. You cannot afford to let a little problem become an accident. Much like being a parent in your own home you need to be in charge of the people within your restaurant. There is the school of thought that you should let children and their parents know that they are in a place of business and should act accordingly.

You may find, however, that it is not worth the effort to try to convince parents and children how to act when dining out. Should families with children simply be designated to separate parts of the restaurant due to their disruptive capabilities? There are those who believe this is the answer. Restaurant consumer activists have even begun circulating a petition online calling for restaurants to designate child-free sections in their restaurants. “We understand that families are an important market force, but we think that the wishes of child-free patrons could be respected without detracting from your share of the family market.” The Web site posting the petition, www.petitionspot.com, also offers signers a chance to sound off on the subject, and comments range from a simple agreement to people who want children banned from restaurants or seated in smoking sections.

Get a Plan

It would seem that the topic evokes strong feelings on both sides of the table. For the startup restaurateur who just wants to make everyone happy and have a profitable business, it sounds like the proverbial “between a rock and a hard place scenario.” Not to fear. As will most tests of management, the best way to handle kids or any challenge with aplomb is to have a plan. Here are some tips to integrate into yours:

Don’t send a mixed message. Many restaurants are already set up with a theme to attract children. A giant talking cow or an arcade both scream “kids wanted here!” Other places simply tolerate children to not lose adult patronage. If you fall into the latter category, or are somewhere between the two, you will need a clear strategy and message so that everyone knows what to expect and has a good time. For example, are you telling parents it is all right to bring children in, but then not offering them the comforts they desire? Or are you wishing you didn’t have to deal with balloons and highchairs, but yet you still offer a clown? A child in a non-child-friendly restaurant is like a bull in a china shop. Nothing elicits more fear in a restaurant manager or owner than a sticky-fingered screaming child who walks in the door expecting a seat when they are not set up for them. But be sure not to underestimate the power children have over your bottom line. To disregard them would be a mistake. Instead, develop a strategy that will allow all of your guests to dine in harmony.

Seat selectively. An excellent place to begin is the hostess stand. Make sure the host or hostess knows to sit the family in the right place for them. For example, babies should not be near a door because parents will often be concerned about a draft. While many diners freak out when a couple brings a baby carrier into a restaurant, infants tend to be the easiest patrons to accommodate since they tend to sleep through the meal and can be settled down quickly with a pacifier. Always seat couples with babies in a booth.

A toddler who just discovered walking shoes should also be in a booth so he cannot get out of the chair and run. If the kids are 5 to 10 years old, seating them near an interesting feature, such as the tortilla maker, fish tank or whatever your restaurant has that is “fun to look at” will occupy their attention. Cardinal rule: If at all possible, though, children of any age should not be seated near the couple on a date or business people at a working lunch. Placing such parties near each other is inviting restaurant customer service’s version of a “Perfect Storm.”

Anticipate problems before they arise. Much of success in dealing with children in your restaurant relies on common sense by anticipating problems and pitfalls before they occur, and may require server training. Make sure they know never to serve a child a hot plate. Keep sharp utensils out of a child’s reach; for example, if sharp bread or steak knives are part of your regular small wares, remove them from children’s place settings as soon as they are seated. Move condiments and other objects that can wind up on the floor out of small hands’ grasp.

Feed the kids first. Gabriel Esquibias, owner and operator of the Busy Bee Café in Ventura, California says, “We bring the kids meal out first so they can get started, which allows the parent to get the child taken care of before their own food arrives.” The operational advantage of a kids menu is that you can offer items that can be quickly prepared and served concurrently with the adult’s first course. Crackers or bread can keep them occupied in the meantime; however, before you start shoving sweets at a kid to win his good graces, discreetly ask the parents’ permission. Otherwise, you’ve put the parent in the position of either accepting the treat and ruining a child’s appetite, or being the bad guy by rejecting your offer to skip straight to dessert.

Bring in the manager or owner to solve big problems. Being a server is difficult enough without having to step into the role of policeman or disciplinarian. If a situation becomes out of hand, e.g., a child runs wild in the restaurant, have the manager discuss the problem with the parent. Forcing the server to become the bad guy will jeopardize his tip and make the rest of the meal uncomfortable, even if the problem is nipped in the bud. Furthermore, the manager’s presence will make a stronger impression upon the kids and parents.

Frame your concerns in terms of the parents’ and children’s welfare. Attempt to approach the problem by showing concern for the child rather than saying, for example, “your child is bothering the other guests.” For one, the parents and child consider them as much paying customers as “the other guests.” Even among folks who would prefer to dine a million miles from children will take sides against businesses that get a reputation as “kid haters.” Second, a child might be loud and disruptive because there is a real problem with the food or service. Adults are better than kids at biting down on their frustration when waiting forever for drink refills.

If the problem is that the child is too loud or disruptive, ask whether the restaurant can do something to help the parents have a more relaxing dining experience. This might be offering an unused banquet or outdoor seating area to walk a restless toddler or volunteering to escort a pouting child to the lobster tank (presumably to entertain, not drown and feed her to the crustaceans). If the problem is that the child is roaming freely in the house, explain that there are significant safety issues, including servers carrying hot plates. Tell parents that the restaurant’s insurance company or attorney have requested that children not walk through the restaurant unsupervised. Cast the insurance company or attorney as the bad guys, in the same way as you can blame the state alcohol law enforcement agents as the reason a guest’s 6-year-old can’t belly up to the bar.

If you want to take a tough stand, establish the rules upfront. Take the case of Dan McCauley, owner of A Taste of Heaven in Chicago, who caused some controversy recently when he posted a sign in his restaurant that stated, “Children of all ages have to behave and use their indoor voices when coming to A Taste of Heaven.” Angry mothers who boycotted his business seemed offended by, what appeared to be, McCauley telling them how to parent their children in a place of business; however, you have to credit him with clearly stating his expectations at the front door. His need to have a pleasant dining experience for all his customers clearly outweighed his fear of offending the few. Though his business could have suffered from his bold stance, it surged in the wake of the controversy, as many diners were thrilled that someone finally took a stand against bad behavior. Apparently his request for well-behaved customers, of all ages, was not too much to ask. Yes, it can be uncomfortable to tell a parent that his or her child is causing trouble. “The fear of alienating a good-paying customer by offending them can be stifling but in the long run, you will keep your other guests happy if you do,” he says. “We all know that parents take it very personally if they feel you are attacking their children or their parenting abilities but there are ways to do it without offending them.”

Enter Southern Hospitality, Personal Attention and a ‘Three-Part’ Plan

While most folks are not going to drag their toddlers into a white-tablecloth restaurant, you can’t bank on everyone to abide by this etiquette. This goes doubly in the case of modern “casual upscale” concepts that are sufficiently casual and lively to make parents forget that they are adult dining experiences. If you’re not requiring jackets and your check averages are below three digits, you better be prepared for children.

What can be done to make sure everyone has a successful dining experience when kids are not part of your target market? If a hard-line approach isn’t your style, two celebrated fine dining establishments below the Mason-Dixon line offer softer solutions.

" The most important thing we focus on is personal attention, and whether it is a child, or an adult, it does not matter because we still offer the best service we can." -- Steve Woodruff, managing director of Commander's Palace in New Orleans

 

Steve Woodruff, managing director of the consummate fine-dining restaurant Commander’s Palace in New Orleans, says that even though the restaurant does not market to families nor offer a children’s menu, it still sees a lot of children. “Generations of families have come to our restaurant to celebrate holidays and special occasions, year after year, until they feel like they have grown up with us.” While it is true that all dining establishments face the dilemma of how to treat children, Woodruff believes it is all about service. “Years ago I received a letter from a mother who explained that every year her sons were allowed to choose a special place to dine if their report cards warranted it. One year her youngest son chose Commander’s Palace, and during the meal was visited tableside by the manager congratulating him on his scholastic achievements. The manager gave the young man his business card and welcomed him back anytime. A week later, the mother was doing laundry and found several white slips of paper in her son’s pocket with all of the pertinent restaurant information copied onto them. It seems he had been handing out the information to his schoolmates, while keeping the business card, safely in his room.” The lesson here, of course, is to never underestimate the marketing tools of a child. “The most important thing we focus on,” Woodruff says, “is personal attention, and whether it is a child, or an adult, it does not matter because we still offer the best service we can.”

At least one restaurant owner believes that while children need to behave, it is also a starting point for some to learn the ways of society. Van Eure is owner and operator of the Angus Barn, a landmark fine-dining restaurant in Raleigh, North Carolina, and a board member of the North Carolina Restaurant Association. Her 46-year-old restaurant, established by her father, is consistently recognized for its customer service.

Eure does not agree with the petition to segregate children in restaurants, because “times have changed,” she said. “It used to be that you did not take your children to the fine dining establishments, but every time I can take my children with me I do.”

She does not think however that the problem is as big as the petition is making it out to be. According to Eure, “the other customers do not mind a child causing a disturbance as long as they see someone doing something about the problem.” Occasionally she does have a guest who requests to be seated in an area without children, and they accommodate them by putting them with couples or businessmen. “It is, after all, about accommodating in this business,” Eure says. “But more than anything, if you are going to be successful, it is about giving customers what they want, and what they want is to bring their children in for a nice meal.”

In the Angus Barn, children who might disturb other guests are given something to do during the meal like coloring books or puzzles. They even have a treasure chest with toys for the children to play with during the meal that can keep them occupied for a while. They might even bring the child back into the kitchen for a tour and sometimes that includes putting the finishing touches of whipped cream and sprinkles onto their own birthday cake.

For the unruly child Van says she has an approach she calls the “Three-Part Plan” that was put in place to ensure everyone has a great dining experience. The first step involves staff asking if they can help the parent by taking the child for a walk, next asking the parent to take the child for a walk. Then, if the problem continues, telling the parent to take the child for a walk. Eure says they rarely get to the final stage because the parent takes care of the situation. “It is after all the parent’s job to teach their children how to be social and they learn that in part from going out and dining in restaurants.” She says what they learn at the Angus Barn is important on many levels. “They learn to look people in the eye and put out their hand for a shake. They need that kind of experience.”

Hope for the Best, Plan for the Rest

Each of these restaurateurs run very different types of establishments, but they all have something in common when it comes to working with children: they have a plan. Whether your approach is to welcome families with open arms and accept all that comes with it, or to let families know upfront that certain manners are expected from whoever walks through the door, there is a plan for you. Even if you have decided you will take on whatever comes through your door with the idea that it is all about customer service, you can make it work. All it takes is having a plan in place and effectively training your employees. What a difference it will make to your staff and all of your customers if you already know how you will handle a situation that may arise next week. How much time will you save if you know ahead of time what to do with a crying baby or a screaming toddler tapping out a concerto on his plate with his spoon? How much more comfortable will all of your guests be if you have the confidence to see a problem and have the resolution at your fingertips?

Each member of your staff, including the management, can be trained to manage children. Being proactive can better ensure that everyone has a good time when kids show up, even uninvited.

-- Restaurant Startup & Growth

Kid Wrangling Tips

• Be selective about where you seat parties with children in proximity to other diners. Dinner guests are more likely than lunch crowds to be bothered by children. Parties composed of one or more couples and people who are entertaining business associates tend to be more agitated about being seated close to children.

• If possible, seat children in booths. These are the best seating arrangements for kids, since they tend to place them on the outskirts of the dining area. Plus, they make it easier for parents to corral their offspring.

• Put food in front of children as soon as possible. Kids menus should feature items that are easy to prepare and serve quickly.

• Appropriately clear the table when children are seated. Remove sharp small wares and condiments from the grasp of children immediately.

• Have the manager or owner, rather than the server, discuss difficult problems with parents of unruly or disruptive children. Whenever possible, frame the problems in terms of the welfare of the parents and children, rather than acting as a stern emissary on behalf of the other guests.

Meet Wendy Gillett, Senior Caliluna Consultant here, in this SBTV interview!